Growing up, I remember playing card games like Old Maid and seeing the crazy cat lady on the Simpsons. Were you warned as a child that you did not want to become that? I sure was. Now that I’m literally grown, although perhaps not mentally, I see the crazy cat ladies in training all around me (you know who you are, Facebook friends) and yet, they are all okay with it. Now, don’t get all huffy, I am not saying that any of my friends with cats are going to end up alone in a house smelling of cat litter and piss, but I just find it funny to scroll down my wall and see friends with three, four, or EVEN FIVE cats and they are in their twenties!!!
So, perhaps I am biased. I am, in fact, a dog person. Look at these stinkers:
I’ve never seen the point of cats. I remember at one point ‘owning’ multiple cats at a young age but they were really just outside cats who hung around the house. They all eventually ran away or died. Then, Tipsy came ….. (Insert dramatic music here)
I was so happy when I got Tipsy, this black and white little ball of fur that was possibly the most adorable kitten I had ever seen. We played together and my parents took care of her. Win, Win, right? WRONG! Tipsy grew up and Tipsy got mean. I had a scar that finally faded after close to a decade. A scar that came about while I was doing my homework which somehow offended Tipsy who jumped on the couch and ran her devil-dagger claws down the length of my forearm. I remember waking up in the morning, EVERY MORNING, and when I put my feet down on the floor, her stupid little feet would come out from under the bed to scratch at my ankles. I hated that damn cat….
A few years after acquiring Tipsy the Devil Cat (likeness pictured here),
my parents bestowed upon me the greatest gift a child can ever receive (except of course the pony): a puppy.
Now, this was no ordinary puppy! This was a golden retriever puppy who I would come to call Maggie and we were best friends up until the day she passed away when I was in college. That was one of the saddest days of my life. Needless to say, Devil Cat quickly faded to the background. I thought the cat would never die and lived to be almost 20!! 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s practically immortal.
I now have two dogs of my own who I treat as my own children. I have cats around my neighborhood that I do not want, people try to give me cats. I DON’T WANT THEM!! Why, you ask? They poop in a box IN YOUR HOUSE, they walk on your face in the most inconvenient times (3am) and I SWEAR they are all plotting to kill off the human race and rule the world out of tiny cat castles. You. Just. Wait…..
So how is it, after all the valid points made above regarding how awful cats are, do my friends continue to adopt them? It baffles my mind. When did it become okay to be a crazy cat lady?
Again, while I don’t believe my friends with multiple cats will wither into spinsterhood, I do worry about their sanity at times. Are they aligned with the cats and their world domination schemes? Do they enjoy the clever games cats play before ripping your veins out? Or do they simply just enjoy their company?
It has to be the first one. Right?